OK, about 3 or 4 weeks ago I like hit a big time low. It was a very weird emotional time and several areas of my life were going heywire. I didn't know if I was going to pull it all back together but just when I was ready to hang it all up, God came through and showed me that it's going to be OK.
It's kind of strange but most stuff changed and those that didn't will eventually and I've learned a little more.
Chantry and I are working on coming up with a "corporate" idea for my Mom's "ministry". She loves to help anyone and everyone and there is no rhyme nor reason, no accountablity for those she helps and nothing is required of them and they don't do squat, most of the time. So because this affects the whole family and since Mom is going to do it even it tears our family apart, I figure why not set it up so everyone knows what is expected and how long they can stay. So Mom isn't coming to me saying this lady needs a place to stay for about 3 weeks and 7 weeks later they are still there and Mom's planning vacations 2 months into the future with them. So, from now on there will be a "business" plan. So there is a beginning and a end in site.
In all of it this time around, I've learned to stand up for myself and hide my food better. Nothing more irritating than going to eat something you just bought and it is GONE. So much to my dismay I'm a food hoarder in my room. LOL. I'm in the market for a small fridge. I can now come and go from our utility room (side door that my bathroom leads too) so it's like I am in my own little world.
I have had a "revelation" in the last week. I have had such a hard time with all the changes and differences in the churches I've attended. However after last weekend, I'm here to stay I even prayed and asked God to please not make me move, not even to get married, bring him here. LOL. I'm serious too. I realized how good I have it and how legalistic alot of churches are. I enjoy my freedom and I enjoy serving a God of mercy, grace and love. It really hit me this week, I don't want that life I had full of rules and regulations and punishments. I was always scared that God was looming over me waiting to flick me into Hell for my bad deeds and I've learned God isn't like that.
I appreciate my Pastor and I even told him so. LOL. I also asked that he not change. I believe God is calling us to a place of balance. We get so caught up in our standards (I used to be the same way) and we get an attitude because we have more "holiness" than others. Problem is to be most spiritual we have to always be a step ahead of everyone in coming up with new standards and we lose sight of the fact it's all about God. Is he really so concerned with piddly things? I mean we can get so finicky about everything that we begin to look down on others because they listen to morally good secular music and we ONLY listen to hymns. That is a stupid example but you get my drift. We get so concerned with the details. It has just really dawned on me in the last week that I am so thankful for a Pastor who teaches the Word and only what is in the Word. He doesn't take away from it and he doesn't add to it. After that we have to pray and seek God for his direction and will in our lives. I really like it, I just wish some of my friends could see the awesomeness of this life. There isn't alot of pressure and fear.
God is our Father so that means He is the ULTIMATE DAD!!! My Dad was always pretty cool growing up but God is my Dad billions of times over. I can remember one time I lied to my Dad I had spilt shampoo on the floor and when he asked me if I did it I said no. LOL, I was the only one in the house with wet hair, who else could it have been? I was so stupid at 10. So I got in some big trouble for lying but Dad didn't kick me out of the house or put me on eternal restrictions. He gave me a spanking and life went on. So using a real human Dad as a example, God isn't going to cut me off for a mistake. He is more aware than anyone that I am human and will make mistakes. He just disciplines me and puts me back on my feet and he probably shakes his head and turns to an angel and asks "Will she ever learn?". The angel looks back and says "I don't know about that one". LOL. He loves me more than anyone else could ever begin to love me and that is an awesome thought.
I'm sure I'll be posting more in the future about this but for now I'm exhausted and I'm goign to lala land.
It's kind of strange but most stuff changed and those that didn't will eventually and I've learned a little more.
Chantry and I are working on coming up with a "corporate" idea for my Mom's "ministry". She loves to help anyone and everyone and there is no rhyme nor reason, no accountablity for those she helps and nothing is required of them and they don't do squat, most of the time. So because this affects the whole family and since Mom is going to do it even it tears our family apart, I figure why not set it up so everyone knows what is expected and how long they can stay. So Mom isn't coming to me saying this lady needs a place to stay for about 3 weeks and 7 weeks later they are still there and Mom's planning vacations 2 months into the future with them. So, from now on there will be a "business" plan. So there is a beginning and a end in site.
In all of it this time around, I've learned to stand up for myself and hide my food better. Nothing more irritating than going to eat something you just bought and it is GONE. So much to my dismay I'm a food hoarder in my room. LOL. I'm in the market for a small fridge. I can now come and go from our utility room (side door that my bathroom leads too) so it's like I am in my own little world.
I have had a "revelation" in the last week. I have had such a hard time with all the changes and differences in the churches I've attended. However after last weekend, I'm here to stay I even prayed and asked God to please not make me move, not even to get married, bring him here. LOL. I'm serious too. I realized how good I have it and how legalistic alot of churches are. I enjoy my freedom and I enjoy serving a God of mercy, grace and love. It really hit me this week, I don't want that life I had full of rules and regulations and punishments. I was always scared that God was looming over me waiting to flick me into Hell for my bad deeds and I've learned God isn't like that.
I appreciate my Pastor and I even told him so. LOL. I also asked that he not change. I believe God is calling us to a place of balance. We get so caught up in our standards (I used to be the same way) and we get an attitude because we have more "holiness" than others. Problem is to be most spiritual we have to always be a step ahead of everyone in coming up with new standards and we lose sight of the fact it's all about God. Is he really so concerned with piddly things? I mean we can get so finicky about everything that we begin to look down on others because they listen to morally good secular music and we ONLY listen to hymns. That is a stupid example but you get my drift. We get so concerned with the details. It has just really dawned on me in the last week that I am so thankful for a Pastor who teaches the Word and only what is in the Word. He doesn't take away from it and he doesn't add to it. After that we have to pray and seek God for his direction and will in our lives. I really like it, I just wish some of my friends could see the awesomeness of this life. There isn't alot of pressure and fear.
God is our Father so that means He is the ULTIMATE DAD!!! My Dad was always pretty cool growing up but God is my Dad billions of times over. I can remember one time I lied to my Dad I had spilt shampoo on the floor and when he asked me if I did it I said no. LOL, I was the only one in the house with wet hair, who else could it have been? I was so stupid at 10. So I got in some big trouble for lying but Dad didn't kick me out of the house or put me on eternal restrictions. He gave me a spanking and life went on. So using a real human Dad as a example, God isn't going to cut me off for a mistake. He is more aware than anyone that I am human and will make mistakes. He just disciplines me and puts me back on my feet and he probably shakes his head and turns to an angel and asks "Will she ever learn?". The angel looks back and says "I don't know about that one". LOL. He loves me more than anyone else could ever begin to love me and that is an awesome thought.
I'm sure I'll be posting more in the future about this but for now I'm exhausted and I'm goign to lala land.
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