Pride Shows Through

So, I've been disturbed by a conversation I had in which people voiced their opinions of whether someone was called into ministry or not. I didn't have much to say because 1) Who am I to judge, 2) I've heard many positive things about him and his ministry, 3) I understood his response because I grew up under the same leadership and know we don't make ways for ourselves.

I was raised in a church where I was very involved, no, make that EXTREMELY involved. Yet I NEVER ASKED if I could be involved in any ministry. I was always taught that if you wanted to be used in an area of interest to you, you needed to pray and talk to God about it and if it was His will, HE would make a way. If you showed an interest you would never have gotten to that point. We were always reminded that God is the one in control and we are nothing. We have no talent, no expertise unless God gives it to us. I enjoyed singing and was blessed to get to use my talent alot, but I always remembered it wasn't MY talent, it was God's.

I have discussed this in great length with my brother who believes like I do. This past weekend we were able to be able to get together with our friend and my brother was very impressed when they got into a discussion about grace, I believe it was. My brother was amazed that our friend had the same view as we do and our church. My brother commented to me after the fact that he had NO doubt his friend has a call on his life, but he is very humble and modest about it. Is that bad? NO, I should think not.

So, I've thought about my 2 lives, because that is what they are in every aspect. I was raised to not make a name for myself and to never question authority. I was so very proud of our holiness standards. We lived our lives for our standards. The tougher the standards the prouder we became. Our attitudes stunk because we thought ourselves so much higher or above other churches. Matter of fact if a church had a lesser standard than us we didn't associate with them and looked down our noses at them. After I left that church I was embarrased and disgusted with the way we were. By our actions we were probably worse than those we looked down on. I was glad looking back that I was far removed from that. Now, I think about my life today and I wonder are we any better? Our pride is still there it's just moved around. I receive comments about my friends that are trying to hold on to their heritage, find a good Pastor and build something back that Satan tore down. What is wrong with that? Only the fact we are becoming what we were before and it disgusts me that we are lowering ourselves to that point. To become judges of peoples calls to ministry or walk with God because we think our knowledge is key to Heaven? Who are we to think we are something? Without God we can't be anything.

I think about it all and there are days I wish I could go back and rebuild it. Make it something I'm not embarrased to talk about. There were so many memories and good times and for what? Life is so different and confusing now.

It's these conversations that remind me that I'm nothing and I know that. I'm so happy and excited that I can now go back and sit in a building I sacrificed for and remember the good parts and I can let the bad parts go.

So next time I think everyone needs to come to OUR church, I hope I can remember that I'm not the only one on the highway to Heaven. I hope things turn out and perhaps life will move on again.