Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Good Day

Well, today was a good day, after a shaky start ended up a good day. God came through and worked out what could have been a disaster in our lives and made it all OK. Then we got a letter from CPS, they dismissed all charges ("someone" turned Teresa in on a bunch of phony charges) said there was no sign at all of anything. They will not be out again unless you-know-who decides to be a butt again. The thanksgiving dinner at church went good. We served 150ish people in under 30 minutes. That isn't bad. It was so much fun, we made new friends and got to know others better. I was pleased with the way it all went. Renewed that little dream I used to have of having a event planning service. Sigh, but is the sore muscles worth it?? LOL.

Thanksgiving was awesome!!! Just our little group at Chantry's place. Mom, Dad, Nanny, Teresa, Katy, Chantry, Tiffany, Gavin, Allyson, Landon and me. I went early and spent the whole day, we had a good time cooking and laughing. The kiddos "helped" me out with buttering the pans for the rolls and all. Then we shared a whole jar of marschino cherries!!! Then the kids drank the juice. We had a laugh at Gavin when at 8pm Chantry gave him a glass of Pepsi and Gavin goes "I like Thanksgiving it's a good day". He liked staying up late drinking all you can drink soda's and desserts. LOL. Tiffany and I played American Idol, Guitar Hero and Beatles Band on the Wii, while the guys watched football, BORING... Stephanie and Robert came out late evening. Then we played Beatles with Chantry, hooked up both guitars, drums and all 3 mics and had a great time. Didn't leave until after 1am. I have to agree with Gavin, it was a good day.

Yesterday we shopped preparing for Christmas parties. Today was another good day. I spent most of the day holed up in my room, I scrubbed every inch of the bathroom, did laundry and then organized my books and DVD's. Everything looks so nice and smells good. Got Spooch outside on the end of the house, Hayleigh and Delaynie are locked in the backyard now all the time!!! Can I say it again? It's been a good day.

I had my iPod going with my favorite tunes and I felt so much happiness and peace. Awesome!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

It's Thanksgiving Time!!!

So I don't write often anymore. Lots going on and I seem to write better when I've got worry and stress inside. Got worrisome news tonight, even as the fear of the unknown washed over me I felt the peace of God and a calm settled over me. Now an hour after going to bed, I'm wide awake, not really because I'm so scared. I am a analytical person so I'm struggling with the desire to sit down and make a plan to work it all out. I guess there is fear inside because I've walked this road before and I don't know if we can do it again and survive. They say the hardships you go through build strength.

What a way to start Thanksgiving week, huh? I have much to be thankful for... An awesome church and church family and Pastor & Family. I have friends who love me and family all around. We have been super busy planning and preparing for the All Church Thanksgiving Meal!!! It's coming along and I think it will be good. I've gotten involved in so many things, God has been so good to me. I know He will protect me and keep me through everything I must go through. God has never led me through anything that looking back I can't see His hand in it all. I have to trust that He will never leave me. I know that this could very possibly change our world but He knows my name, He knows the way I feel, He feels my hurts and sees my pain.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

It's Been Awhile

So it's been awhile  since I sat down and took time to write. WOW!!! All the stuff that  has gone on has been amazing and fun.

Katy's custody battle, Health Matters and so much more.

Sunday Morning was my first time up with the Praise Team. I was terrified and had nightmares but it wasn't as bad as my nightmares so I guess it was OK. I actually enjoyed it... I know I messed up some but hey, it was my first time to sing in front of 700+ people so I think I did ok, hopefully. LOL.

Health Matters went good, I think. I learned sooooo much about health and eating and healthy living. Can't wait until next year.

So much still to come this year. I'm so excited in 2 weeks is the Ministry Expo and they've asked Mom to setup a table for Prison Ministry. We are praying that soon DFC will be reaching out to Dallas County!!!

Sunday Morning Bro. Darrell Bennett preached and his title was "When God Doesn't Want Your Best". It was an awesome message about how we always come to God with our best. We put on our fake smiles and say everything is OK, when sometimes God wants us to come and give Him our worst... Awesome awesome message!!! Recently I've had several conversations with numerous people that have caused me to realize how thankful I am that I made the decisions I've made in the last year. It saddens me to see my "friends" so confused and uncertain. They pose their questions to me and I want to scream the answers but I can't people have to find their own way just as I did. I've prayed for a way to help them along without swaying their opinions and it's hard, my heart breaks to hear them talk. I know and understand their confusion because I was in their shoes a year or so ago and had to find my way to where I could grow. Then Sunday morning Bro Bennett said something that made me really take note of and that was this... You can have a good preacher and a good church but you have to ask yourself "When I leave am I changed? Am I closer to God than when I arrived?" To me that is all I need to know for myself and I can say that yes, when I leave each service I'm a little closer than I was when I arrived. So I continue to pray that everyone can find the happiness I have. I believe it's the End Times, the Bible says that everything that can be shaken will be shaken and I believe I'm seeing that.

Well, I need to get some sleep, tonight I had choir practice and praise team practice, tomorrow night is a ladies meeting, wednesday night is church and Thursday night starts Unveiled so it's going to be a really busy week and I joined a gym with Mom, Nanny, Stephanie, Sis A Davis, Alyssa and we are so excited because Michelle is going to be joining us. YAY!!! So lots to do and after 2 months I still have this allergy/cold whatever it is and it's rough and will not go away. PRAY!!! I'm going crazy with this horrible cough. I need rest, sleep and healing. LOL.

Oh and had AWESOME news a dear friend of mine is turning his heart back to God, doesn't get any better than that!!!

Night all!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

In The Quiet

So here I sit listening, wondering and wishing. I’m not quite sure why it won’t go away, the dreams the plans, it’s past and over yet somewhere inside it just doesn’t quite wondering ‘what if’.

I know I made the right decisions but it doesn’t make it easier or the regrets less. I’ve learned in this life that you can know without a doubt you made the right decision yet regret hang so heavy in your mind.

I hope someday someone will come along and make me forget your promises. I can’t help wondering if the bright lights make you forget that call? Can you really turn your back and walk away from God?

Someday…

Friday, August 6, 2010

Time To Ponder

So I get 2-3 emails, more or less a week from an awesome lady of faith. These emails encourage and strengthen me and they make me stop and think, ponder something in my life.

I’m in a period of my life where I feel like I am where I am supposed to be and God has led me into some awesome ministries that are challenging me as a lady, as a daughter, relative and friend and most of all in my walk with God.

The email I received yesterday was about geese. This is what it said.

"Look at the birds in the sky!..." - Matthew 6:26

In the world of geese, the aged, very young, and infirm are kept protected in the rear of the formation. But they aren't isolated, discounted or considered useless; in fact they fulfill a vital role. They become the honking section and cheer for the leaders. Inevitably, bad weather threatens the mission. The going gets tough and the tough are struggling. From the rear of the formation a lone honk sounds, initiating a geese chorus honking encouragement to the point goose. Many a servant of Christ has crossed their deepest valley on a wing, a prayer and a honk from some old battle-scarred, battle-hardened, straggle-feathered, half-bald honker of encouragement who was too stubborn to let a brother or sister quit on their watch! Occasionally, a strident, out-of-tune goose complains loudly and irritatingly. Within moments the honking section kicks in, drowning out the grumbler, restoring order and unity. The church's problem isn't too many people speaking negatively; it's too few speaking positively! When someone cries, 'defeat', honk back, 'victory' When they cry, 'fear', honk back,
'faith'. A few words of encouragement can overpower a storm of complaints. So join the honking section and be known like Barnabas, whose name means 'Son of Encouragement' (Acts 4:36)

I was so encouraged by this email. Help me to be like a goose and when I’m too battle scarred and wounded to lead, that I can be the one honking saying keep going, you can do this.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

He Saw The Best In Me..

He saw the best in me, when everyone else around could only see the worst in me…

How awesome and true is that? When other people have seen a shy, backward, overweight girl with little self esteem. God looked down and saw what I could be/can be. He sees the good in me!!

I love it that my life isn’t dependent on what others think or believe for me. My life is directed by God and He sees the very best in me, He sees things that I myself can’t even think or imagine for myself.

I’m having the time of my life right now. I feel like for the first time in years I’m totally in God’s Will. There have been times in the last bit that He led me through places in life that I didn’t understand but now looking back I can see His touch on my life all along. Every stop along the way, He was leading and directing and teaching me so many things.

Just thought I might say Thank You God!!!!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Just My Thoughts Today

I’m not a wise spiritual person that just has all the answers and words to encourage others. A friend I write just breaks my heart, asking for answers. They are going through a process and I wish it was easier or that I had answers but I don’t. They recently asked me to be real and they gave examples of things that have recently upset them. They have NO control over any of it but the bitterness and anger that spilled out of that letter made me sad. This person was a mentor of sorts to me for many years growing up and today the tables have turned and I’m trying to life their spirits and encourage them while they walk through the darkest trial of their life. I don’t understand it all because I wasn’t there and I try to be funny and make them smile for just a minute but it’s hard.

So this letter I was “real” as they asked. I talked about getting over bitterness and forgiveness for even those that did you wrong and family hurts, etc. I just wrote and then before I rethought it I mailed it then I told my Mom and she disagreed with my words and having mailed the letter but I did it from the heart. I was open and honest with my own life experiences and told stories of things that have happened to me. Yes, a much smaller scale than what this person has experienced but they were my dark days and the pain was intense at that time. I’ve not heard back and I’ve sent another letter I just hope I didn’t offend them to much, they asked me to be honest and I was. I had prayed about it so I can only believe that God was there.

Life is so strange with it’s twists and turns. As people we let the hurt that others throw our way shape us and influence us. We have to learn to accept it, and continue to love them through it all. One of the most important things I’ve learned in my 32 years is that my life is happier and healthier when I let it all go. I let the hurt and anger and bitterness go. I have to let it roll off like water on a ducks back. It’s not easy and sometimes I would LOVE to hold on to it and just have a BIG pity party and invite my friends, but all that does is hurt me. So I’ve learned you have to stand tall and strong even when you are attacked and you are innocent, stand tall and hold my head high and let God fight. It’s amazing how when you just move forward and let it all go, instead of you getting drug down those that are trying to drag you down end up on the down side because your life and example convict their spirits.

So life will roll on and we will continue to learn, love and live.

Monday, April 5, 2010

So Much Going On!!! Great Times!!!

So, the last few weeks have really been crazy busy for me and I’ve loved every moment of it. On top of choir practice every week the last few weeks life has just been crazy.

I haven’t talked much about my new church and how much I’m loving being there. I know alot of people disagree with my decision to make this move. I’ve heard all the comments and complaints and for the FIRST time in my life I’m doing this for ME! Plain and simple. I’ve not been this happy or involoved since I left the church I grew up in. DFC has been the place to bring hope and restoration to my soul. I’ve listened to preachers preach that in order to find freedom you had to let it all go. So I would pray and do my best to let it all go but it always hung on. Then I went to DFC where in 1 Sunday I found that the burden and pain and hurt I’ve felt for years went away in an instance. In 4-5 months I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a long time. It’s refreshing to be involved in a music dept where the anointing is what they want. It’s not about anybody but Him!!! During practice a couple Monday nights ago we were going over The Blood for Easter and the presence of God came in that room and was so real!! We took time out to just worship God and thank Him for the Blood. That is what music is all about just pure worship to God.

Last Sunday there was an appreciation banquet for the Community Relations Ministry and I helped serve and all. I enjoyed it so much!! Hearing how that ministry is working to bring in the lost from Dallas. Great and awesome things are happening.

Then this past Saturday morning we had a Block Party, it was great fun!!! Cotton Candy, Hot Dogs, Popcorn, Face Painting, blow up houses for the kids and it was a good turn out.The kids had an absolute blast and then they wrapped it up with a candy rain!!! LOL, good times. Then we had to run and get ready for the Easter Service run through. When I left the church at 3:30 I was totally exhausted. LOL, then Teresa, Katie and I went and had Mexican food and did some shoe shopping. Didn’t find anything but we looked.

Sunday morning I was at the church at 8:30 for sound check and then a time of prayer for our service. The power of God was in that building. We had a time of worship and you could feel the presence of God so close. Then the Easter program part of the service and I think it all went great, I enjoyed being part of the choir and it felt like old times. The solos were good, Sis Kari & Kim and Bro. Toa, it just doesn’t get much better than that. Bro. Toa had it going on!! Then Bro Foster’s message on The Climb. All I can say is WOW!!! As he poured out his heart to the audience yesterday I believe healing came to broken souls. His testimony of his brother dying and his cancer touched hearts as he brought out that in the climb he would get dragged back down. He had someone build a very tall platform and they covered it to look like a mountain of sorts, really looked cool too. He climbed and stood on the top and preached a bit. It’s all about the climb. We get so caught up in our destination we don’t enjoy the journey. That message spoke such encouragement to my soul!!!

Then home to enjoy all the good food and fun with my aunts and their families!! We had a huge easter egg hunt and ate until we waddled!!! LOL. Life is so good!!! I’m blessed!!

Now to see what God has for me in the future. I’m excited and looking forward to whatever He leads me into!!! For the first time in a long time the Future is BRIGHT!!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Peoples Opinions

So recently I was at a wedding to celebrate a relative getting married and I learned what type of Christian I do not want to be. A in person, live and up close lesson. I’ve made changes in my life lately not because of issues with people, but because of issues within myself that I struggled with. I struggled for almost 10 years to find peace, happiness, joy, victory and a place to really belong. I found places to rest but never found that place where I belonged where I could grow and become what God had in store for me.

So, I made a move that has given me all that I’ve been searching for. Recently I discovered that I had let my dreams and desires die and I feel like it’s all coming back. I’m beginning to rebuild my dreams and I’m growing in my walk with God. It’s like I’m a flower that was just a bloom and I have found a place to settle and unfold. I’m happy, I love life, I’m excited about church and God again and it’s been a loooooong time since I could really say that. Plus, I’m getting involved and having a great time.

Well, yesterday my path crossed with people who don’t like the change I made. It disturbs me that they would have the audacity to pull someone aside and make a comment that would put me in a bad light. LOL. You know? Who are YOU to judge if my church teaches truth or does not and Who do you think you are to judge the holiness of my church when you have NEVER been there???? It’s funny to me that ministers find a way to justify their opinions of judgment. I’m happy and that is what matters. What is REALLY funny is this. The comment regarded demanding that an individual didn’t leave and go to a different church because their “current” church “preaches truth”. OK, here is the laugh for the day. My church and the other persons church believe the same way. Their Pastor and my new Pastor are on just about the same page. So be careful when you judge and divide. LOL. You might not know what you are talking about.

What I learned yesterday at a wedding was this. I want to be Christ-like and love everyone for who they are. I may not agree with their ways but that is OK because I’m just a human. I’ll let God be the one to make the big decisions. All your opinions did was lower you in my eyes. If we can’t love each other and over look our mistakes than how can we expect that kind of love from God?

As a kid/teenager I had big dreams and they all died but I sit here tonight writing this and thinking, they are coming back. I don’t have huge dreams but I keep finding the pieces to old dreams and desires peeking out at me and as I reclaim each piece someday they will all come together and I will be exactly what I need and want to be.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Windows Live and I hope I don’t regret this. LOL.

Well, this is my first post since my laptop when down. I bought a new unit and I love it. I ordered it with Windows Live on it and it pulls all my stuff into Windows Live which is really cool BUT also a bit scary. It links to my blog and so I’m testing it right now. Fingers and toes are crossed that it will work right. LOL. Watch for more updates soon!!!

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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Just Hurts

They lie awake and wonder why no one really cares.
Everybody gave them their fear,
To a caring listening ear
And now they just lie crying because no one cares.

Why does it all hurt so
Does the pain ere go away
Will life ever get to normal
And keep the pain away

They run hard to distance from the hurt
Close down
Ignore the pain
Numb your mind.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

He Will Go All The Way

OK, so today I read this little poem or whatever written by my aunt, Stephanie Pollay.

You have hurt me in the past, yet I hold no grudge.
You have turned your back on me, but I stood behind you.
You have played a part in things I begged you not to do
You've walked away from me....

When you come back, I will meet you halfway
Because... I love you!

She wrote the poem and in her mind it was God speaking. I read it and gained a whole different perspective. I read it as person to person. As people we have those that hurt us and turn on hus and do things we wish they would not. Yet, even then we don't hold a grudge and we stand behind them still to support and encourage.

My mind goes to one of my very best friends and my friendship. This person made some rather poor decisions and I warned her against them. She was an adult and made her own ways. When it all fell apart I was there to help pick up the pieces and start again. I never supported her ways but I was always her friend. True friendship is what I call it. Regardless of what was done or said, I was always there. There were even times when I made my opinions known to her and she became so angry she wouldn't speak to me. Yet when it all was said and done we were still friends. That is because friendship is not based on actions or if we are perfect people or not. It's a deep love that does not have conditions.

Take a family that is torn apart by assumptions and neither side wants to be the one to tear down the walls of hurt and deceit. Love should never be conditional or used to toy with another person. Love should be able to overcome every hardship.

Then my mind drifts to a situation a dear friend of mine is in. What a cost to pay.

My aunt said the poem in her head is like the prodigal son and how the father met him halfway. I've heard it preached over and over in terms of God being the father and us the son and God will meet us in the middle. Today for some reason, it really reached in my spirit and begin to grow. For some reason I couldn't get it off my mind, I begin to wonder about that parable and did it really say they met in the middle? I read that parable of the prodigal son and guess what??? It does NOT say they met in the middle. It says (Luke) that the son said to himself that he would go up to his father and offer to be a servent in his fathers house. He headed home and when he was still afar off the father saw him and ran to him and kissed him. It doesn't say the son ran or that the son met his father in the middle. The father saw him afar and ran. I'm not sure why it strikes me like this. It hit me like a stone, a revelation I guess that we don't have to meet God in the middle. We just have to say to ourselves, we are headed to God and he is waiting for us and when He sees us begin to make our way toward Him, I'm sure tears come to His eyes as He says there is my son or daughter and He runs to US, not US to HIM.

Here is where it really got me, if God were to have met us in the middle... We would have had to go to Calvary, correct? To meet in the middle would have put us at Calvary. Instead God went all the way for us. That really got to me that the Love of God is so far reaching that when we can't reach up, it reaches down to us.

To me that is the best love.

On the other hand of that, this same poem spoke to me of forgiveness. I've heard so man people say with words that they forgive but really don't forgive. Forgiveness is letting it go when we are hurt or wronged. Forgiveness is sometimes never getting an apology but loving them anyways. Forgiveness is overlooking the things that don't really matter. Forgiveness is reaching out to those who turned their backs on you. It's not letting issues get between you but climbing over the little speedbumps because they really don't matter. It's letting all the bitterness go and just looking forward. It's something we have to chose to do and it's hard and sometimes it hurts and it doesn't seem far... Forgive!!!

Goodbye 2023 and Hello 2024

  All the posts on what this year will hopefully bring and the blessings from the past year. I'm not willing to discuss the last year an...