I'm Just Having a Moment

Life is so strange!! You never know what the future is and your scared to let go of the past. It's so hard to figure out life. One moment you want to grasp life and live to the fullest and the next moment you are trying to figure out what life even is.

I had a friend tell me recently that they liked the "pre age 30" Taniss better. This new more outgoing, funny and sarcastic humor Taniss wasn't their favorite. I laughed it off with a what Taniss did you like?

The last 8 or so years, I'm not sure who I am or was. Seems the quiet, shy, go with the flow was more the type. I have really thought this over alot. Why and when did I change so drastically. Some started when; I went through all the "extras" in my life, life and hardships and pain changes you. But I didn't fully understand until this weekend at Girls Night Out.

I went out with a bunch of my friends that are 30+ and single. Rather they are single never married, widowed or divorced. I sat at the end of the table across from the only other one there never married, no children. In our conversation this hilarious, fun, outgoing lady shared with me that she is very shy and the funny person everyone knows her by is a cover. She said as a single in her 40's she deals with the pain of it by being hilarious, making people laugh. That way people think she's OK and will leave her alone.

So I thought about that and we talked alot that night. People say they understand but they can't really know what your going through unless they've been there. I told her my conversation about the changes in me and my attitude. She said could it be that in dealing with this new turn in your life, 30 is big, you do like me and become something your not rather than deal with it?

Hmmm, makes you think.... Oh, and she is probably correct!!!