Life is a journey, everytime I say that I think of the Rascal Flatts song for Cars. LOL. That little red car Gavin NEVER lets me be riding down the highway in the big truck. Yeah, I've played Cars cars my fair share of the time. Wonder what I'll get to be when Landon is big enough. It will be nice when Ally is a little bit bigger so we can do the Barbie thing. You watch my room will have a area dedicated to Barbie, how fun!!!
Back to the journey. We all have our own journey to live out. Some have easier journeys, some have more difficult journeys. I get so confused sometimes as to how to ride this journey. Other times it is crystal clear what to do.
At this moment of my life, my journey has come to some crossroads. Not of good and bad, but possibly good or better. Problem is which way is right? LOL. Perhaps there isn't a right or wrong way in this?
Overall, I think I'm learning God may turn your life upside down and keep it that way, but that strengthens us in the end. Doesn't feel strong today but once it's over and you look back you can see how you have grown.
My thought for the moment is this.... Maybe God takes us on journeys and through different things in our life to help us, teach us, help us grow. Then when we get to the point on that journey he may lead us back home. Not saying it is the case, but perhaps? Home is where the heart is and the heart will always be where home is. Problem is sometimes God sends us places that are great they just aren't home.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Camping Trip
Growing up we always went camping with my best friends family. I can't remember family vacation without the Reames. Well, in 8 years we have not really gone camping. We had broken down and started going back to Beavers Bend Resort Park which is like living in houses on the river, has a/c and all of that. Really a great place to vacation. But as for state park camping which we did once each year we have gone. Just wasn't the same. But last weekend everything changed. We went camping and the Reames joined us. It was like old times minus Misty which has married and moved to Kansas. But we had such a good time. Dusty brought his kayak and we all fished and talked and just reaquainted ourselves. God is good because when the devil caused things that tore our families apart, God said, you know what? I'm going to make everything new and he brought healing to the situation. Personally I'm going to go hear Dusty preach soon. I always knew he would make something of his life.
Next October we are all going back to Beavers Bend and Misty's family is going to join us also. God is really really awesome. Misty and I have been blessed to remain friends all these years but we've missed her family. So glad we are all back together. I never dreamed it would ever happen. I feel like a great big hole in my heart has been filled again.
Next October we are all going back to Beavers Bend and Misty's family is going to join us also. God is really really awesome. Misty and I have been blessed to remain friends all these years but we've missed her family. So glad we are all back together. I never dreamed it would ever happen. I feel like a great big hole in my heart has been filled again.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
My Homeschooling Experience (for those that are asking)
So I guess people have this weird misconception that my family was the "perfect" homeschooling family and went totally by the book. I crack up when I'm alone at how hilarious people are. They obsess about doing everything correct to the point that they probably defeat the purpose. Everyone has a reason why they do things the way they do and it must be this way for the world to remain an interesting place to be. LOL. If you and I weren't weirdos, who would be??? Oh, I'm sorry you didn't realize you were? Well, Ummm Don't worry about it, just act like that never happened. LOL.
So I was in a private school for 1 1/2 years, kindergarten and half of first grade. My Mom was so concerned about my schooling and raising her kids she would drop me off at school and take my baby brother to the church and pray for me until school was out then she would come pick me up and we would go home. In first grade she approached my principal about teaching me at home. He was very supportive and though it was illegal to homeschool, Mom began to teach me at home. The school gave me my tests and I'll tell you right now, Mom was MEAN, the stress was overwhelming sometimes worrying that someone would fine out and turn us in. Back then homeschool support lawyers would tell you to always have a bag packed and gas in your car in case you had to flee. Sounds crazy and dramatic but that was life for a couple years. I don't remember the rally's very well, but protesting on the steps of the capitol building and speaking out about homeschooling finally brought around a victory and homeschooling became legal. My Mom became very active in politics and was very actively working as a fill-in.
Life became much easier school wise after that. We begin using curriculem that we chose and Mom begin to work alot more hands on. Somedays, Science was so cool that is all we did, the next day would be catch up for everything else. And for you that think I was at my desk at 8am. LOL. Oh, boy do you have a lot to learn. Sometimes I got up early, other days we got up late. There were days that things just weren't happening and we did school when Dad got home. LOL. Oh the days that Algebra was done at midnight with Dad. hehe.
There was no DVD programs to entertain and give Mom a break while we did our school. Nope, Mom had to do it on her own. I look at homeschoolers today and it gives me an appreciation for my Mom and the hard work she had to endure. There was a time she homeschooled other kids also. I don't remember school ever being very boring or wanting to drop out. She did her best to give us books that would help us and tried to make it fun. She gave alot to give us the best education for us.
I will NEVER forget the Friday classes. No school on Fridays. That was our Support Groups day to get together every week. We rotated house to house and it was a blast. That was the days the Moms took turns to teach us what they were good at. My Mom did history and we would take countrys or states, depending on what we were doing, and did our research adn lunch was foods we cooked from the country we were doing reports on. These classes were where I learned to decorate cakes and cook. We learned to sew and write creatively and once a month was park day and we all went to a park. I remember for awhile alot of families didn't have extra cars so people carpooled to our house and we would walk to a park. We thought it was great fun. LOL.
Then graduation day rolled around. I was a little concerned about how that would work out. Then I heard about HOPE, they hosted a graduation ceremony each year for homeschool graduates. I went to meetings, joined the decorating commitee and began to plan for the big day. I planned my table with precision and it was perfect. We walked down the aisle and sat on a platform, there was 20 other students graduating that night and I met them at our first meeting. At these graduations you had better remember your tissue because you were going to need it. WOW, our parents got up and stood with us and spoke about our homeschool journeys and each one was different but so many had made life changing sacrifices in order to make it happen. We had pledges, songs and prayers, We had chosen a student to speak on behalf of our graduating class and a speaker to charge and challenge us. Then they had us go to the main floor and our family and all our friends gathered around each of us and prayed for us. It was so touching and I am soooooo very glad I did it. It is that moment in my life that made a lasting impression. People that didn't know us cared about us.
I miss that part of my life, I am excited that my nephew and cousins are all starting school and part of them are homeschooling. It's a journey my family began and struggled to continue so that others behind us would have freedom to follow.
So I was in a private school for 1 1/2 years, kindergarten and half of first grade. My Mom was so concerned about my schooling and raising her kids she would drop me off at school and take my baby brother to the church and pray for me until school was out then she would come pick me up and we would go home. In first grade she approached my principal about teaching me at home. He was very supportive and though it was illegal to homeschool, Mom began to teach me at home. The school gave me my tests and I'll tell you right now, Mom was MEAN, the stress was overwhelming sometimes worrying that someone would fine out and turn us in. Back then homeschool support lawyers would tell you to always have a bag packed and gas in your car in case you had to flee. Sounds crazy and dramatic but that was life for a couple years. I don't remember the rally's very well, but protesting on the steps of the capitol building and speaking out about homeschooling finally brought around a victory and homeschooling became legal. My Mom became very active in politics and was very actively working as a fill-in.
Life became much easier school wise after that. We begin using curriculem that we chose and Mom begin to work alot more hands on. Somedays, Science was so cool that is all we did, the next day would be catch up for everything else. And for you that think I was at my desk at 8am. LOL. Oh, boy do you have a lot to learn. Sometimes I got up early, other days we got up late. There were days that things just weren't happening and we did school when Dad got home. LOL. Oh the days that Algebra was done at midnight with Dad. hehe.
There was no DVD programs to entertain and give Mom a break while we did our school. Nope, Mom had to do it on her own. I look at homeschoolers today and it gives me an appreciation for my Mom and the hard work she had to endure. There was a time she homeschooled other kids also. I don't remember school ever being very boring or wanting to drop out. She did her best to give us books that would help us and tried to make it fun. She gave alot to give us the best education for us.
I will NEVER forget the Friday classes. No school on Fridays. That was our Support Groups day to get together every week. We rotated house to house and it was a blast. That was the days the Moms took turns to teach us what they were good at. My Mom did history and we would take countrys or states, depending on what we were doing, and did our research adn lunch was foods we cooked from the country we were doing reports on. These classes were where I learned to decorate cakes and cook. We learned to sew and write creatively and once a month was park day and we all went to a park. I remember for awhile alot of families didn't have extra cars so people carpooled to our house and we would walk to a park. We thought it was great fun. LOL.
Then graduation day rolled around. I was a little concerned about how that would work out. Then I heard about HOPE, they hosted a graduation ceremony each year for homeschool graduates. I went to meetings, joined the decorating commitee and began to plan for the big day. I planned my table with precision and it was perfect. We walked down the aisle and sat on a platform, there was 20 other students graduating that night and I met them at our first meeting. At these graduations you had better remember your tissue because you were going to need it. WOW, our parents got up and stood with us and spoke about our homeschool journeys and each one was different but so many had made life changing sacrifices in order to make it happen. We had pledges, songs and prayers, We had chosen a student to speak on behalf of our graduating class and a speaker to charge and challenge us. Then they had us go to the main floor and our family and all our friends gathered around each of us and prayed for us. It was so touching and I am soooooo very glad I did it. It is that moment in my life that made a lasting impression. People that didn't know us cared about us.
I miss that part of my life, I am excited that my nephew and cousins are all starting school and part of them are homeschooling. It's a journey my family began and struggled to continue so that others behind us would have freedom to follow.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Life is Like Questions with No Answers.
It's like being caught in a tornado with no shelter
Like your past, present and future are twisted together and don't mesh.
You are supposed to believe your past was, I guess, a mistake
Life gets complicated and no one has a clue least of all you.
It's being Ok with what your life has become,
Yet aching for what it was
Enjoying getting lost in a crowd
But crying for "that" moment
Happy to go forward but missing what you have to leave behind
Enjoying the change and hating the life.
Life is just a moment, and sometimes it just doesn't count.
Like your past, present and future are twisted together and don't mesh.
You are supposed to believe your past was, I guess, a mistake
Life gets complicated and no one has a clue least of all you.
It's being Ok with what your life has become,
Yet aching for what it was
Enjoying getting lost in a crowd
But crying for "that" moment
Happy to go forward but missing what you have to leave behind
Enjoying the change and hating the life.
Life is just a moment, and sometimes it just doesn't count.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Just Being Held
OK, Cindy brought it to my attention that I answered a survey question that I do not like to cuddle, I think that was the question. She thought it funny that my theme song on my profile right now is Held by Natalie Grant. LOL. It is kind of funny!!!
But, I love that song. If you have ever gone through a seemingly life threatening moment when it seems that you have failed in life in general but God was faithful in the end, then you can relate to the song.
The words are...
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling Who told us wed be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
Were asking why this happens
To us who have died to live? It's unfair
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held
I have watched people lose babies when they were just a few months old. We all cried and asked why and it seemed there wasn't an answer but we did feel God's arms around us.
Or, losing a grandmother to cancer when she was only in her early 50's. A woman who was a prayer warrior and in just months watch her suffer and fade away. I asked God why and he didn't answer. In the last few years I have made my way to the cemetery or looked at her picture and as I cried I silently wondered how she made it. When my world was falling apart and it seemed that all my dreams had died and I was hurt by the people I trusted the most and it felt like I was dying inside. I know what all my grandmother went through and I wonder how she made it? How did she cope when her husband was suddenly killed in a trucking accident in California and left her with 3 little kids/babies in Texas. Or when her only son died in a alcohol related death. How do you cope knowing they left him in a car in our driveway to die, how do you cope losing a 19 year old?
I know what her secret was. Prayer!!! That and the fact she was "Held". She knew what it felt like in the darkest hours to fall to her knees and let God hold her. In that legacy I find strength to make it, I just have to remember to let God hold me in those hours when I can't go on. To give up and let God take over, those moments are the most precious.
I think back to days when I lost everything, friends, family, home, so many material things. I remember thinking I was going to lose it and I was going crazy. I remember the darkness of depression and suicide that was over me. I didn't know where to turn. Finally one night I gave up. I gave God my car, my home, my "stuff", my friendships, my family. I told him to take it all I didn't care he could kill me it wouldn't make it any worse, I would be better off. At that moment of sheer desperation when I let go of it all the depression lifted. Why? Because...
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell wed be held
I know when the most sacred things in life are ripped away from you and you survive, even when you don't want to survive, you are still loved. God makes us a promise that when it all falls down, He will hold us tight!!!
But, I love that song. If you have ever gone through a seemingly life threatening moment when it seems that you have failed in life in general but God was faithful in the end, then you can relate to the song.
The words are...
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling Who told us wed be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
Were asking why this happens
To us who have died to live? It's unfair
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held
I have watched people lose babies when they were just a few months old. We all cried and asked why and it seemed there wasn't an answer but we did feel God's arms around us.
Or, losing a grandmother to cancer when she was only in her early 50's. A woman who was a prayer warrior and in just months watch her suffer and fade away. I asked God why and he didn't answer. In the last few years I have made my way to the cemetery or looked at her picture and as I cried I silently wondered how she made it. When my world was falling apart and it seemed that all my dreams had died and I was hurt by the people I trusted the most and it felt like I was dying inside. I know what all my grandmother went through and I wonder how she made it? How did she cope when her husband was suddenly killed in a trucking accident in California and left her with 3 little kids/babies in Texas. Or when her only son died in a alcohol related death. How do you cope knowing they left him in a car in our driveway to die, how do you cope losing a 19 year old?
I know what her secret was. Prayer!!! That and the fact she was "Held". She knew what it felt like in the darkest hours to fall to her knees and let God hold her. In that legacy I find strength to make it, I just have to remember to let God hold me in those hours when I can't go on. To give up and let God take over, those moments are the most precious.
I think back to days when I lost everything, friends, family, home, so many material things. I remember thinking I was going to lose it and I was going crazy. I remember the darkness of depression and suicide that was over me. I didn't know where to turn. Finally one night I gave up. I gave God my car, my home, my "stuff", my friendships, my family. I told him to take it all I didn't care he could kill me it wouldn't make it any worse, I would be better off. At that moment of sheer desperation when I let go of it all the depression lifted. Why? Because...
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell wed be held
I know when the most sacred things in life are ripped away from you and you survive, even when you don't want to survive, you are still loved. God makes us a promise that when it all falls down, He will hold us tight!!!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Talk About Being Behind
So, the last post I had on here was in 2005. LOL, those are GONE and I'm starting over. I usually blog elsewhere but came here to set up my blog for Chelsea's website. I was so surprised at how long it had been since I posted. Oh well, life is busy and I feel busier than that. LOL.
So I'm loving my farm!!! My goats are too precious and I've about gotten them all tame, Hill Billy is taking some work but the girls are good. I've got three girls, Oreo (which may be expecting), Molly B and her 6 month old baby girl Sarah Jayne. I love just going out and playing with them, they are so fun and sweet. I wonder around the yard feeding the birds and such and the goats are right on my heels like little puppy dogs. Molly would love to live IN the house. LOL.
The big girls are my hens, I have 4 of them right now and then I have a baby and we think 2 rooster which are still pretty small, I call them teenagers, they are fighting already so one is going to have to find a new home. Sad but necessary!!!!
Then we have the Silkies, which are chickens that look like they are furry and they are beautiful. I have bearded white, buff, black, blue and grey. they are very pretty birds and they are laying to beat the band!!! We are hoping this time around our momma's will know how to raise the babies, the first time around we lost babies.
Then I have 4 beautiful (NOT) guineas. They have got to be one of the UGLIEST birds ever. But protective they have down to a fine art and they protect all my babies in the yard. One of Stephanies little bitty dogs got after Lucy and the guineas went crazy, I mean the whole city of Venus knew Knothead and her crew were MAD about something and sure enough we got out there just in time to save Lucy. So guineas are truly natures watchdog and they are scared of nothing. At first they didn't like me either. LOL. I'd head in the cages and pens and knothead would go CRAZY. Now she tolerates me, and I have no idea if she is really a boy or a girl.
So I'm loving my farm!!! My goats are too precious and I've about gotten them all tame, Hill Billy is taking some work but the girls are good. I've got three girls, Oreo (which may be expecting), Molly B and her 6 month old baby girl Sarah Jayne. I love just going out and playing with them, they are so fun and sweet. I wonder around the yard feeding the birds and such and the goats are right on my heels like little puppy dogs. Molly would love to live IN the house. LOL.
The big girls are my hens, I have 4 of them right now and then I have a baby and we think 2 rooster which are still pretty small, I call them teenagers, they are fighting already so one is going to have to find a new home. Sad but necessary!!!!
Then we have the Silkies, which are chickens that look like they are furry and they are beautiful. I have bearded white, buff, black, blue and grey. they are very pretty birds and they are laying to beat the band!!! We are hoping this time around our momma's will know how to raise the babies, the first time around we lost babies.
Then I have 4 beautiful (NOT) guineas. They have got to be one of the UGLIEST birds ever. But protective they have down to a fine art and they protect all my babies in the yard. One of Stephanies little bitty dogs got after Lucy and the guineas went crazy, I mean the whole city of Venus knew Knothead and her crew were MAD about something and sure enough we got out there just in time to save Lucy. So guineas are truly natures watchdog and they are scared of nothing. At first they didn't like me either. LOL. I'd head in the cages and pens and knothead would go CRAZY. Now she tolerates me, and I have no idea if she is really a boy or a girl.
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