Just Being Held

OK, Cindy brought it to my attention that I answered a survey question that I do not like to cuddle, I think that was the question. She thought it funny that my theme song on my profile right now is Held by Natalie Grant. LOL. It is kind of funny!!!

But, I love that song. If you have ever gone through a seemingly life threatening moment when it seems that you have failed in life in general but God was faithful in the end, then you can relate to the song.

The words are...
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling Who told us wed be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
Were asking why this happens
To us who have died to live? It's unfair
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held

I have watched people lose babies when they were just a few months old. We all cried and asked why and it seemed there wasn't an answer but we did feel God's arms around us.

Or, losing a grandmother to cancer when she was only in her early 50's. A woman who was a prayer warrior and in just months watch her suffer and fade away. I asked God why and he didn't answer. In the last few years I have made my way to the cemetery or looked at her picture and as I cried I silently wondered how she made it. When my world was falling apart and it seemed that all my dreams had died and I was hurt by the people I trusted the most and it felt like I was dying inside. I know what all my grandmother went through and I wonder how she made it? How did she cope when her husband was suddenly killed in a trucking accident in California and left her with 3 little kids/babies in Texas. Or when her only son died in a alcohol related death. How do you cope knowing they left him in a car in our driveway to die, how do you cope losing a 19 year old?

I know what her secret was. Prayer!!! That and the fact she was "Held". She knew what it felt like in the darkest hours to fall to her knees and let God hold her. In that legacy I find strength to make it, I just have to remember to let God hold me in those hours when I can't go on. To give up and let God take over, those moments are the most precious.

I think back to days when I lost everything, friends, family, home, so many material things. I remember thinking I was going to lose it and I was going crazy. I remember the darkness of depression and suicide that was over me. I didn't know where to turn. Finally one night I gave up. I gave God my car, my home, my "stuff", my friendships, my family. I told him to take it all I didn't care he could kill me it wouldn't make it any worse, I would be better off. At that moment of sheer desperation when I let go of it all the depression lifted. Why? Because...

This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell wed be held

I know when the most sacred things in life are ripped away from you and you survive, even when you don't want to survive, you are still loved. God makes us a promise that when it all falls down, He will hold us tight!!!