Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Pain... Some Wounds Don't Heal

So last night I experienced a moment or moments of the most intense, excruciating pain I have ever experienced in years. Literally took my breath away, kept me awake all night and had me in tears most of today. What hurt so bad? That's the worst part, it wasn't physical, I can't take a Tylenol or Aleve and take the pain away or even diminish it. Unless God heals I guess it's a wound that will never heal. Funny thing is I thought I was handling it all really well, coping I guess. Yet in a split second memories and feelings not only began to march through my mind but I could feel the loss, a great loss, a loss I've regretted for over 20 years, a loss I can't regain. Now I have to learn to pick up the pieces yet again and figure out how to put all of this life that a moment of time was enough to overflow the box I have carefully kept all those hurts.

Then to learn that people were telling the truth, it wasn't the choice of the one I thought it was. That hurt just as much to know, what if it could have been different. All the years I've lost because I thought something was wrong with me, I wasn't enough. All the what if's and it's all begun again. To try to sort through all I lost that I didn't even understand why, I think it hurts worse knowing it could have been difference.

Now I have to look around and life through this moment in time without letting it comsume me. The pain is so intense. If only I had known...

Goodbye 2023 and Hello 2024

  All the posts on what this year will hopefully bring and the blessings from the past year. I'm not willing to discuss the last year an...