Busy Busy Busy!!!

So the last few weeks have been crazy busy as usual!!!

Changing churches has left me with a packed schedule!!! I landed myself smack dab in the middle of a large, very busy/active church. Not that my prior churches were not but as a single female I never found my place. I feel like God has led me to where I am now and I'm excited and busy and loving life. So many things to talk about.

I auditioned for the choir and made it. Now just getting to practice and singing!!! Very excited about that. The music is out of this world. The praise team sings with such passion and anointing!!! Sis Foster leads the worship service with an anointing that not very many people find. A couple of weeks ago I had a visitor and when we finished praying for her a lady in the church came up to me and laid hands on me and begin to pray that God would bless me and touch me, etc. All the things people say when they pray but then she got down to my life! She begin to ask God to give me courage and strength in my life to be able to face the things I have to deal with. She then begin to pray regardign the heavy burden and load that I carry on my shoulders because of my responsibilities with my family. That God knew the load I'm carrying and that He cares and will be there with me when I'm alone. I was bawling. See, no one has a clue about my life. Most people don't!!! There are people that know alot and still probably don't know the affect things in life have on me. But God has shown me His ways recently and I've gained a new lease on life. I'm excited about God and church. It's been a long time.

So, last Saturday I went to Ladies Brunch and we had some AWESOME food and fellowship, then a time of praise and worship together, then Sis. Foster talked on prayer and meditating on God. It was so awesome. For several months I have felt like something inside of me was coming back to life or wanting to but I was so numb and dead feeling. Today I feel alive and that little nudging feeling inside of me has burst into bloom and my life has found meaning and a reason for a future. God is becoming so real, I go to services and He is there to strengthen me and give me joy!!! Oh, the joy!!! Back to Saturday... After Sis Foster had talked she asked us to begin to pray together and the Spirit of God came in so real and sweet. Then she asked us to find one person close by and one on one pray a blessing on our sister and so we begin to do that. As we were praying I felt like an urgency came into the room and Sis Foster begin to talk to us about how some didn't know it but what they were receiving in that moment was important because of the things they would soon face. Little did I know!!!

I lift there flew over to Toys R Us to buy Landon's birthday present and then trying to call my brother back I noticed a strange number on my phone. I got the worst feeling, it just swept over me. I ignored the call and went on about my business. We were having a great watching Landon eat his birthday cake and get it everywhere when I got a notification that I had a message on Facebook on my iPhone, curious I logged in and literally stopped cold. I stared at the message trying to decide what to do. Do I just ignore it which is what I wanted to do or pass the message on to my Mom who really doesn't need this right now?? I thought about it, logged out and my heart was racing and I had that detached numb feeling, finally I told her and she said she had heard, she had received a phone call and "they" were wanting to come back and told me the situation. I will just openly state, I'm tired of people that use and take advantage of others. I'm through with it. My Mom is not a healthy person mentally right now. Don't understand the attack my family is under but we do not need this right now. I was seeing healing and unity come back to our family and in one instant 3 people totally ruined all that we had found!!!

When we refused to extend an open invitation to them my Mom fell into a depression, I call it pouting, she would have beat my behind for acting that way. But oh well!!! Monday rolled around and you know it she left for Houston to pick them up. Amazing they fell right back into their lazy routine. Everyone wants a handout but they don't want to work for it.

So for today they supposedly will be leaving next week if not well, lets say I will take care of it. I'm sick of people using my Mom for their advantage because they know she can't say No. It won't happen again. I have been praying and praying along with other members of my family that my Mom will find healing for her mind and emotions but you can't get help for things you refuse to acknowledge. I know that God sees and He cares because He has been touching my life and mine and heart.

Where my family is headed in teh future I have no idea. I do know though, that God has a work for us and I have prayed and God has heard, He has awakened me and has begin to pick up the pieces of my broken dreams and promises and He is making them new. As Bro. Kenneth Haney preached last weekend, God is breathing on them and these dry bones will live again!!!

I don't know what the future holds and I don't understand why the battles have been hard and long but I do know that God knows!!! He has a work for me and the devil knows also. The devil knows that as long as he keeps my family divided and dragged down we can not rise above!! He also sees that we are awake and with Gods help we are coming out!!! The victory will be great.

This very long, very hard storm has been our test but we will rise above!!!!

I Get Angry At Myself!!!

So, the last week or so has not gone so well... Yesterday was a really bad day overall. Ended up I was dehydrated and such and went to bed early and began to feel better.

Today I felt well but tonight I drove to the gym, pulled in and parked and there were just too many people and I couldn't do it. I bawled all teh way home so frustrated but not sure how to get over this hump. It could all be better tomorrow or I may be like this for weeks, who knows.

Mom told me tonight she thinks my phobia is extreme because of my worry over my Dad. I don't know why but I wish it would stop.

My poor brother isn't any better, he's worse, having panic attacks. Sigh, I am going to go to sleep.