Just a Jumble of Musings.

So I'm thinking my God is pretty awesome. LOL.

A friend of ours went into cardiac arrest a week ago, basically he died, as his wife puts it. 11 electric shocks to his heart and his heart was beating again. He is a miracle!! The doctors told his wife he would be brain dead but I'm here to tell you that he called my Dad by name when we visited. He was very much NOT brain dead. He was supposed to be having surgery today and I haven't heard how that went yet, but I know that God has been with him and his family through this whole ordeal.

I had just talked to a friend a couple weeks before and we were talking about God and such. I made the comment I'm tired of ho hum walks with God, I'm ready to see miracles and amazing things. I know God can do them but perhaps our Faith hasn't been strong or maybe we aren't walking close enough to God to see things anymore. I'm so hungry for a deeper walk, to see God's Power again in mighty ways. Yeah, we have the "little" miracles, but what about those MAJOR things, and now we have.

I took a trip, you can read my past emails concerning that trip and the disturbing time we had. I just made me want to cling a little closer to God. I came back and emailed my Pastor just to thank him for the fact he teaches was the Word says and doesn't force his own personal agenda. Then I made up my mind. If no one else in my church wants more I do. I have watched a close friend I go to church with as she has begin to push further in worship, reaching out in a spiritual sense a little more than others. I've seen people glance her way but she doesn't care. She is longing for a deeper place in God and she isn't going to wait on someone else to get there first. She is willing to step out. We had dinner together a few weeks ago and we just talked about everythign past, present and our futures. She has a family and I don't but we shared our desires and burdens. I reminds me of why we are friends, we have the same longing to walk deeper in God.

So I decided I don't want to be intimidated in our services anymore. I'm willing to step out and be different. If someone doesn't like it they can deal with it. I HAVE to find God. I can't say I'm a "spiritual person" because I'm probably the worst when it comes to reading my Bible and praying like I should. I probably roam into things I shouldn't from time to time. But I have been asking God to take me beyond what I have now and what I had in the past. I'm so hungry for more of God. I don't like the tests and the trials but to just really know Him.

This last Sunday morning, I guess the devil was fighting us or Murphy's Law was visiting, LOL, long story. What a disaster!!! The chorale and sound was just all messed up and we had practiced and it had gone OK. I wanted the platform to just swallow us up. You know it's bad when the Pastor has to come up and help, LOL. The song we were singing was so beautiful and powerful and it was just a fight trying to make it happen. I just closed my eyes and begin to pray that God would help us and guess what... God was there, when I got back to my pew I made a mental decision standing there that I'm sick and tired of a preformace and I closed my eyes and told God, I know what anointing is when you are singing. I've seen choirs and chorales that were anointed, they might not always look the best, sound perfect but they knew how to let God use their voices. I can't say the choir at the church I grew up in was perfect, we messed up AND we had people in the choir that couldn't sing on key to save their soul. They did however have a longing to be used of God. We didn't focus on how we would present ourselves. Instead we were taught to focus on Him. I'll never forget a lesson I heard in Sunday School in the Senior High class. I don't know who taught it but they impressed us to remember our talents are from God and we should use them for Him. They said to always remember to pray that God would use you, not to show our own glory but so that others would see His glory THROUGH us. That our voices would be an instrument that He could use to touch someones heart. That we would be anointed and that our voices would be united as ONE voice reaching up to God. I can tell you we used have amazing things happen. I remember the story of one lady while our choir was singing Jesus Be A Fence, she came up for prayer (she was a visitor) and God healed her. Her testimony was that the power she felt while the choir sang and seeing the choir worshipping God, it drew her to the front.

I don't think God is concerned if we look and act like some major artist. I think He wants so see us sell out to Him. Give Him our all and let Him use it. I know I am a work in Progress but I ask God daily to please use me. I know he can but I also know it takes work on my part in order for Him to use me.