Caught In The Middle

So I'm totally addicted to Casting Crowns right now. I love music that says something to me. Tiffany says I'm depressing. LOL. I like Mark Schultz, I love how his music talks to everyday people about live issues. Casting Crowns is the same way. I first fell in love with their song Prayer For A Friend, which really has me thinking, but then I heard their song Somewhere In The Middle and it talked to my heart, because I could relate to it. I like people speaking but sometimes my ADD kicks in and I just kind of zone out/glaze over. Put it to music and you can captivate me. So back to the song.

I feel like I relate so well to this song. People who know me well and have followed me and my scrambled whinings the last few years know I take songs and write blogs based on how the song speaks to me. That is how this one is going now. LOL. Thankfully I have friends that enjoy it and those that don't care, keep quiet.

Somewhere between the hot and the cold.
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

The middle is where I live, not what I want to be and really as close to God as I use to be. Yet, closer than I have been at times. I've changed so much that I don't always recognize me and at the same I'm not what I was. So I'm just there somewhere in the middle

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Yes, that would be me trying to do right but sometimes falling short. I desire to be Christ-like but often I fall oh so short. I can see the light but it often feels like darkness is what is all around. I was so judgmental expecting others to be a certain way, yet I've changed and I accept people for who they are and I try to live my life in a way that others see Jesus and what he is making me.

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Can we ever surrender without losing control? Right there is a problem I have, I want to truly surrender to Christ but there is a little nagging fear of letting go of the control. So I play the game on the edge dancing with surrender and control and never really giving in or letting go of either.

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

Reckless abandon would probably be my title for the way I go through life, yet some things are obvious. I was raised in a church that was believed in Faith, we believed anything could happen and expected it too. I grew up with HUGE faith and yet today I sometimes wonder if I even have faith at all. Sad as it is, I know God can do the extraordinary yet I don't seem to really believe it anymore. I am caught in a whirlpool that has dragged me into the middle of the ocean of life.

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

This is an area I live in confusion alot. The God I was raised to serve and the God that I learn about now. They seem like two different God's. I get caught in the middle of serving God and the legalistic God I knew growing up. The life I knew is opposite of the life we have now and we serve the same God.

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

I think of the dreams and desires I had as a teeneager. The things that were prophesied over me and I wonder if I really will ever be the things that God promised. It's so scary to give over all my dreams to God. I'm scared He will have changed His mind and will withhold the things I want most. Yet I'm drawn to give them up in order to hopefully receive them in reality.

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

My heart has so many things in it, hopes, dreams, desires which my heart wants to have. My hands seem to bring failures, broken dreams shattered in a million pieces all around me and the exact opposite of my deepest secret desires. It's like the things my heart wants my hands make sure are millions of miles apart.

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

I have the above mentioned hopes, dreams and desires, plans I always thought would happen, yet today my faith isn't even strong enough to believe they can happen.

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

The wind is sending the waves crashing over life and we are in a boat that seems like it could sink at any moment. We spend hours trying to bail water out of our boat called life and the harder you try the faster the water rises. Safety is not what we feel.

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Life is screaming around me and yet there is a small whisper that I can hear even above the wind and rain of lives storm. It's calling to a place I know well, I used to abide there and yet, I'm caught in the storm.

Somewhere between the altar and the door

So many are lost between the altar and the door. I find myself on my knees tears streaming down a confused face. Because when I get up it will all once again crash around me at the door.

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Peace, it's a nice feeling but where can you always find it? It's never enough. I find peace and it's not enough. I'm longing for more and searching to find that place.

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Sometimes God is so close and I can't help but to be drawn to him. I know He is there holding me close, loving me when I feel unloveable. Being my best friend when I feel so lonely. I can look back and see that He has always been there. He has protected me so many times when I didn't even know there was a danger. He led me away from the things I thought I wanted most and now I can see that they were meant for my harm, to trip me up and cause me to fall.

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Thankfully God loves me even when I'm in the middle. Trying to find the right way. Longing for two worlds and they both seem right. When I'm miserable where I am, God still loves me. When I struggle to just cope with things that seem opposite of right, He loves me still. Because He's my Father and a Dad loves his kids regardless of their ups or downs. A Dad may let his child find his own way for a bit but when they become confused and lost in the crowd he comes and takes my hand and leads me the ways I need to go. It's amazing that God loves me even in my craziest moments.