I'm Not Sorry...

So, as you browse your social media network and notice that friends are dropping away. Not those that FB randomly decides you aren't friends with anymore. It's those that you know why, because someone else doesn't like the way you chose to live life. At first it always makes me a little sad inside because I know that I would never endanger or share confidential things with those I know don't get along or have issues with one another. I've lived my whole life trying to be that person who you can trust.

Today I went to look at something and noticed a person that just a week ago was connected to me and today, they aren't. I'm sure I know why but I don't regret it. My family has chosen to forgive, put the past behind us and move forward. It just so happens that as God has moved us into the place He wanted us to be we crossed pathes with people who aren't popular by old friends. God knew 13 years ago what the future would hold and who He would place in our lives. People have a variety of reasons and opinions and the funny thing is.. LOL, they are all wrong. My family is involved in a ministry that has placed us in position to help others.

The last few weeks, I have just felt like inside something is just bubbling waiting for that right moment to emerge. I have been pondering what does God have for my future? It seems like daily I feel rejection and it hurts, but I can't have both worlds and I've always tried to make decisions that lead me TO God. So in the past few weeks my family has reached out to others that have had a major hardship. Do we agree with all the details? NO, is it just loyalty of the past? NO, it's because deep inside we know, in prayer God calls us to a place where it's not popular, where friends will turn their backs and walk away, people will judge and criticize but I can say I love them, I love every person who has ever impacted my life in any way. I think on the memories I have and I can smile and laugh and see where who I am today is because of the hardships of the past. I've come through battles that others may never face and the pain and wounds and scars it brought to my heart and soul... The scars will never go away. However, (or as we have heard in conference this weekend) YET, I will still praise Him. I don't understand the pain, I don't understand the hurt, I don't understand the loneliness of friends walking away, I ask God Why? I think somewhere inside of me I can hear Him speaking that it's The Calling... That feeling inside that is pulling me, calling me to something deeper, something stronger that ever before. I have to trust the process and reach up and accept the things that fall away are just His plan.

Someday, LOL, they will see me and where God is taking me and it will be so beautiful and so amazing. It will show that those that have tried to hurt me and drag me down were so wrong, they were just part of my "cocoon".

A few weeks ago my brother felt led to write and send me a email and he didn't know that he spoke so much encouragement into my spirit because it was just a confirmation from God that it's all goign to be worth it. God has something for me.

Then in our Singles SS class a couple weeks ago we talked about the caterpillar and the cocoon and the butterfly. The caterpillar has to struggle and fight to escape the cocoon and become that beautiful butterfly that can fly and survive. If he doesn't struggle the butterfly won't be able to fly. I went home that afternoon and one of the first tweets I read was about the cocoon and the butterfly, at work... guess what? The caterpiller, cocoon and butterfly. I know inside, I'm that caterpillar, I'm fighting and struggling to survive, but someday I am going to emerge as a beautiful butterfly and those that walked away and hurt me will shake their heads in wonder at how, did it happen.

That's all for today, just feeling that and hope to try and blog more often for me.