I'm Not Sorry...

So, as you browse your social media network and notice that friends are dropping away. Not those that FB randomly decides you aren't friends with anymore. It's those that you know why, because someone else doesn't like the way you chose to live life. At first it always makes me a little sad inside because I know that I would never endanger or share confidential things with those I know don't get along or have issues with one another. I've lived my whole life trying to be that person who you can trust.

Today I went to look at something and noticed a person that just a week ago was connected to me and today, they aren't. I'm sure I know why but I don't regret it. My family has chosen to forgive, put the past behind us and move forward. It just so happens that as God has moved us into the place He wanted us to be we crossed pathes with people who aren't popular by old friends. God knew 13 years ago what the future would hold and who He would place in our lives. People have a variety of reasons and opinions and the funny thing is.. LOL, they are all wrong. My family is involved in a ministry that has placed us in position to help others.

The last few weeks, I have just felt like inside something is just bubbling waiting for that right moment to emerge. I have been pondering what does God have for my future? It seems like daily I feel rejection and it hurts, but I can't have both worlds and I've always tried to make decisions that lead me TO God. So in the past few weeks my family has reached out to others that have had a major hardship. Do we agree with all the details? NO, is it just loyalty of the past? NO, it's because deep inside we know, in prayer God calls us to a place where it's not popular, where friends will turn their backs and walk away, people will judge and criticize but I can say I love them, I love every person who has ever impacted my life in any way. I think on the memories I have and I can smile and laugh and see where who I am today is because of the hardships of the past. I've come through battles that others may never face and the pain and wounds and scars it brought to my heart and soul... The scars will never go away. However, (or as we have heard in conference this weekend) YET, I will still praise Him. I don't understand the pain, I don't understand the hurt, I don't understand the loneliness of friends walking away, I ask God Why? I think somewhere inside of me I can hear Him speaking that it's The Calling... That feeling inside that is pulling me, calling me to something deeper, something stronger that ever before. I have to trust the process and reach up and accept the things that fall away are just His plan.

Someday, LOL, they will see me and where God is taking me and it will be so beautiful and so amazing. It will show that those that have tried to hurt me and drag me down were so wrong, they were just part of my "cocoon".

A few weeks ago my brother felt led to write and send me a email and he didn't know that he spoke so much encouragement into my spirit because it was just a confirmation from God that it's all goign to be worth it. God has something for me.

Then in our Singles SS class a couple weeks ago we talked about the caterpillar and the cocoon and the butterfly. The caterpillar has to struggle and fight to escape the cocoon and become that beautiful butterfly that can fly and survive. If he doesn't struggle the butterfly won't be able to fly. I went home that afternoon and one of the first tweets I read was about the cocoon and the butterfly, at work... guess what? The caterpiller, cocoon and butterfly. I know inside, I'm that caterpillar, I'm fighting and struggling to survive, but someday I am going to emerge as a beautiful butterfly and those that walked away and hurt me will shake their heads in wonder at how, did it happen.

That's all for today, just feeling that and hope to try and blog more often for me.

Conkle Family Photos May 2013

Hope you enjoy the FIRST Family Photo Session.

This is our part of The Conkle Clan!!! LOL 

Nanny (great-grandmother) Grandad & Memaw (grandparents) and the grandkids 

 This is probably my FAVORITE picture we did!!!!

My Nephews and Nieces (L-R Landon, Lillyan, Gavin & Allyson)

Lillyan - 4 Months

Landon - 4 Years

Gavin - 10 Years

Allyson - Almost 6 Years

Chantry & Tiffany

My Little Brother & Sister In Law

4 Generations - Nanny, Dad, Chantry & Gavin

Linda & Glen

Memaw & Grandad

ME!!! LOL.

It was so much fun and our pictures turned out great!!! Many THANKS to my very creative and talented sister in law.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.” 
― Mother Teresa

Lucy The Goosey MOVES!!! Grudgingly...

Howdy Doo, from the Funny Farm!!! How Doo to all those that have enjoyed my past stories about my little "farm" and to those that have sent me notes asking when I would be writing more.

I'm back and do you know since Rowdy, Oreo, Lexington & Precious moved it had gotten pretty boring. Sarah and Sassy escape from time to time but they don't work up any funny stories. Just boring old life. Lucy talks to us but still...

Now don't ask me how but a rooster and 3 hens have revitalized the Funny Farm and they aren't the funny ones. Goliath is the biggest rooster I've ever seen and his goal is to eat me. No joke. One hen was getting picked on and so we had to move her out and in with the Silkies. The Silkies aren't regular laying hen fans so, yeah, you guessed it... BUT, they tolerate her most of the time. She keeps to herself and out of their way and they are good. However in a pen with NO way out the hen gets in and out of the Silkie cage. Weird I know. I go out and she is in at night and out in the morning. Guess she is a ghost. HAHA. More on her later.

We couldn't keep Sara Jayne and Sassy Maye in the barnyard area so we moved them into the backyard and moved our dog, Spoochie Grace, into the barnyard. Spooch is the size of a small horse and so she loves the extra space but she also enjoys chasing Lucille "Lucy" the Goose. Lucy is very bossy and vocal and we have never clipped her wings and she has never flown away. I think that is odd but obviously she is happy here. She would love to be a Mother Goose so if anyone knows where I can get fertile geese eggs or a couple goslings let me know. I'm thinking about letting her be a Momma. This post is all about Lucy!!!

Spooch enjoys and good game of chase with Lucy from time to time and though she has never hurt her or "caught" her my Mom freaks out EVERY time. So I believe it was me that came up with the idea... throw Lucy in the backyard with the goats until we can build her a pen all her own. Well, After a couple days, Mom out of town, Dad mentioned to me at midnight one night that the goats water bucket is on the back deck and Lucy doesn't go up there. So we talked and decided we would put a storage crate that is extra back there and I would go around get the water hose over the fence to Dad and turn the water on and then that would serve her until we could figure out what else to do. On my way around I thought, what a retard I am. If I'm going through all this trouble why not dump her little swimming pool and throw it over. HAHAHA, she liked that idea but oh boy did I ever get a goose cussing in Goose-ese. You would have to understand the language as I do. She was mad as only Lucy can be because that pool hit the ground with NO water. As soon as the water started running into the pool she was in the pool just a honking and bathing. She makes me laugh so hard. So that was that... But was it???

This morning Dad looked out the back door and said, the goats needed water and he would get it. He filled up the water jug and took it out back and came back in and said Lucy wasn't out there, he honked at her and she didn't answer (she always answers you). So I grabbed shoes ran outside and sure enough, no Lucy. I looked everywhere, in the goathouse, under the deck, still no Lucy. So I ran out the front and around to the barnyard and yeah, it rained today and it's a muddy mess out there. Ran over to the barn and there in a corner under dog area was Lucy in a corner on her nest. She escaped the backyard through a little hole Spooch dug out to see into the backyard. So I grabbed her up and 2 eggs and carried her through the house and put 2 eggs near her pool. Nope that did not work. She ran the fence honking and then headed towards Spoochs peephole. I blocked it up yelled at Dad to come help and then I went out walked the mud back across to her nest and gathered the 6 eggs that were left, Spooch had taken off with 1. I also grabbed hay, etc from her nest and we carried it back around. That dumb, well actually rather smart goose, went over counted her eggs and arranged them, came back out and started griping through the fence, she knows there is an egg missing I think. So for now she has her nest rearranged and has bathed and seems to be settling into backyard living but WOW, this battle will be renewed once the chicks start hatching and she heads back over to chicknap or try at least. 

Hope my Funny Farm friends enjoy our latest... I'm thinking about getting ducks this year, I want Mallards, I'm picky. LOL. check out my previous post to see pics of our newest birds!!! 

Welcome Goliath and His Girls

Welcome to Goliath and his 3 girls. Here are some pics, enjoy and I'll write about them in more detail later...

 Meet Goliath above and his girls below!!!

House Blog

OK, so my house and the process of everything to do with it is now set up. Go on over and enjoy!!! http://girlandherhouse.blogspot.com/

Update

Well, my word. Just scanned my own blog and I've not put up any recent pictures of my house. LOL.

Alot of people over in Facebook land like to read my ramblings and I don't always have time to stop over here and chat. So here I am, gotta few minutes to sit and chat. I'm going to start a new blog I think, I'll keep this one but start one I don't mind sharing with the world. I mean if you want to read this one, read on, but I post it all here when I'm in my moods. Helps me get it out and then I feel better and the only one the wiser are the few of you that show up here. LOL. So watch for my new blog and I hope you enjoy it.

My Thoughts of Recent Days!!

Alot has changed in life in the last few months of life. Ups and Downs. Ins and Outs. I'm coming into a mood of wanting to blog and write and put my thoughts and feeling down somewhere and so I always tend to find my way back here to the blogospere where I put my thoughts down in a area that I have found that I can put my tears, fears and some happy times too. I've written in my darkest days and in my happiest days and in those days like recently where I feel God has me at a point of decision... How far do I really want to go OR let me phrase it this way, how close to HIM do I want to be?

What a week or so ago Bro. David Smith was at our church and on a Tuesday night he had us prophesy out loud. Just whatever we could think of put it out there and begin to claim it. He even said, "Some of you will see your miracles/healings coming to pass by this coming Sunday". I thought well, I've NEVER done ANYTHING like that in my ENTIRE life, LOL, so why not. I'll do/try/say anything 1 time. So I begin to just lay it all out there for God, I spoke of everything from my family and home life, to my brothers family and life to my aunts family and life, my job, my job, my JOB, haha, my health, my weight, my singleness, my desires and dreams, my desire/dreams/thoughts, etc on what I thought was where I belonged in ministry in my church, I just laid it all out there. Sunday night or Monday night Teresa and I were sitting talking in the living room and I was sharing a testimony from church and I said, I guess I didn't pray or talk right or something because none of mine happened. She said yeah, and then she asked "Did you pray about your weight?".

LOL, I thought it over and said yes, I prayed that God would give me whatever I need to help me lose weight, she gave a little laugh and said "Ummm, your personal trainer is moving out here". I stopped and thought about it and laughed, I guess God did answer it just wasn't really what I was expecting.

Lezli has come to stay with us and I believe help me with my weight loss. She has already begun to help me, we've walked and worked out and honestly, I am feeling better already. I'm excited to see what will come along for me. I was thinking tonight not only will she help me with my weight loss but in helping me there I will begin to feel better about myself and then my confidence will come back and maybe someday, "Taniss" will totally emerge again. LOL. Amazing how life and work and people can drag you down until you don't even recognize yourself and you have nothing left and they don't even realize the damage they are pouring onto you. It's sad.

I was talking with Lezli Sunday afternoon and we were talking about God and church and such and we begin to talk about sacrifice, I don't think I realized it until recently exactly what was happening but inside there has been a stirring, for the deep things of God, it's been there to an extent for years but it's like lately I'm not just longing for it, something is calling me, reaching for me. I've been to that place before and it's a closer walk with God. I loved it, being close to Jesus is more important to me than anything, I've said it a million times. The past few weeks I've been praying asking God to draw me deeper and the things and people I have to leave behind, give me the strength to give them up. See, recently several of my long time friends and I have just drifted away from each other. I tried to keep contact and they were always so busy, family and work, social activities, etc. At first it hurt and then I remembered back then... When lonliness was common, people didn't understand me and only Jesus mattered. Sacrifice!!! I told Lezli the more we sacrifice or the greater the sacrifice it seems the closer to God we get. I know the sacrifice, I've been there before, to my flesh it hurts, I don't want too... But to be close to God, for that amazing anointing to fall over me once again, to find that place where HE finds me. Am I willing to sacrifice it all again? It hurts, it's lonely, people think you strange...

Time to choose.